The Illusion of Victimhood and the Futility of Blaming
( Note: certain passages below have been highlighted by Benito. )

Q: Good evening, I'm Caroline. I haven't talked to you since the November retreat.
A: Is that when it was? I remember your face.
Q: It seems a lot is coming up.
A: What does that mean?
Q: For the retreat, just old patterns.
A: Ah.
Q: I really related to two of the speakers earlier, the "can't do" person and the woman who came up and talked after that. I do feel that there is this sort of drama and illusion on the surface and underneath there is just the eternal flow. But I'm finding that I'm again getting angrier quicker, it's back to what I used to be like. The annoyance and irritation come up and it's usually with my family because they're the people you feel safe to yell at.
A: Spread the gift around to the ones you love, huh (laughter).
Q: Right. I'm bringing up the worst about myself because that's what's bothering me. When I was meditating today I got images of people in the past who I thought had cheated me in some way. Some of the stuff is like twenty years ago and I'm thinking, why is this coming up in my meditation? I haven't even seen this person in all those years.
A: Well, you have nothing better to do (laughter).
Q: It's not that these are the kinds of things that I dwell on but sometimes it just pops in my head with this image.
A: That's right, sure.
Q: Even though I can see it was my fault for not handling the situation right, I kind of caved in. There was this feeling that came up right after that of wanting to punish this person. And so I can see this feeling to punish as a way to correct the world and make it better and yet I know this is totally absurb. Yet these are the feelings that are coming up in me and I know I can't just ignore them or repress them. So what do I do?
A: They're just more stuff.
Q: Oh, okay (laughter).
A: In other words if you were thinking about thirty-one flavors of ice cream, you probably wouldn't be talking to me about it. You would just be like, "my mind can't get off of strawberry ice cream, that's strange. So we wouldn't be talking about that. This really isn't much different until your mind says it is and believes it is. So your unconscious just starts to unload itself. That's part of silence, that's being on retreat. What's been buried unloads itself. Just let it unload itself. There's not really something to do, to figure out, to get rid of. Just realize that this is the projections of your own mind and its associated emotions. It's just coming up because you're not keeping the top on. So they just arise in consciousness. What to do when they arise in consciousness? Just allow it to arise in consciousness. Make nothing of it.
Q: And that's the same thing for getting out of the victim mode too then?
A: Sure. There is no victim, you see what I mean?
Q: I know that intellectually and I've heard you talk about it with many people who come up
A: But you have to see it for yourself.
Q: There's a part of me that still believes it. I look at it and ...
A: Let's just take one then. Victimhood is based on what they should or should not have done, correct? That's victimhood. They should or should not have done that. Just pick one, any event what they should not have done. What is it that they should not have done?
Q: Okay, George Bush starting the war in Iraq.
A: Yes, okay, so George Bush should not have started the war in Iraq. Oh, that's a good one (laughter)! I love George Bush if for no other reason than he pushes egoic buttons very ... (laughter) Okay, so George Bush shouldn't have started the war in Iraq (more laughter). Start with the easy stuff (laughter). How do you know that that's true?
Q: Well, I don't really. On the surface it seems like a bad way to try to settle things and it's causing a lot of people suffering.
A: Yes, that's the story part. So if God herself came up and sat right next to you, but this is a god that is a little upset. So she has a big sword and says, "I have the power to take away your eternal life with one swoop across your neck. Now do you actually know that George Bush should not have gone to war. Do you know that?
Q: Of course not.
A: Good for you, you just saved your neck (laughter). The question is not whether it's good or bad, that's not what we're saying. What we're saying is, you don't know. You don't go to the volcano that in the past killed thousands of people and stand at the foot and say, "you should not have blown your top and killed five thousand people." Nobody is listening. It happened. So when we tell ourselves that George Bush shouldn't have gone to war, we're pretending that we actually know. It may be true that I wish he hadn't gone to war, that may be true in a personal sense but this isn't what causes suffering. It's what should or should not have happened. And you don't even know. You CAN'T know what should have happened because the world doesn't work according to shoulds, does it?
Q: No.
A: It works according to what is. And then everybody sits back with their shoulds and shouldn'ts and thinks that that has an effect. And wonders why it doesn't. Wonders why reality is not listening. And then you can take it one step deeper into yourself. We project our own state onto others. George Bush shouldn't have gone to war, but here you are, you're already at war. You are at war with your idea of what should or shouldn't be. So as soon as you own it, now you've got your truth. Not that George Bush shouldn't have gone to war, I shouldn't have gone to war. Not for any moral should or shouldn't but because it's not really true to yourself. Because have you noticed that we are always asking the world to do what we're not doing? YOU stop going to war, you, you, YOU stop going to war. Meanwhile, we're already at war. When we take it back, we realize it's me. Then you can stop going to war.
Q: I guess that's one of the hardest things to give up is blaming other people. You can't do that anymore because that's not where the answer or the truth lies.
A: No, it's ludicrous actually when you really look at it. When you actually see what's happening ah, I won't get into that (laughs).
Q: (makes a plea for support about an upcoming surgery)
A: We'll hold you in our hearts.
Q: Thank you very much.

A: This doesn't mean when you see it very deeply that you won't give a damn and you won't go protest or whatever. If you're drawn to do so, you'll do so. But the difference is YOU won't be at war. That's the difference and that's the difference between heaven and hell. Inside and outside. That's the difference. And then we don't appear as a victim to anything or anyone. Because we're not. It's not what's true. Very revealing when we really look at what we want others to do, our lovers, our friends, what our parents should have done, what our government should do, etc. Just own it. Very revealing, very revealing. You'll find it's your true nature talking to you. But it's talking to you, it's not talking to them (laughs). Very revealing.